


The Mishap

by DestielWS



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Desperation, Fallen Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Food Poisoning, Gen, Human Castiel, Scat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-23
Updated: 2018-11-23
Packaged: 2019-08-28 02:17:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16714672
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DestielWS/pseuds/DestielWS
Summary: Dean and Castiel are making a long drive together. They stop and grab something to eat, but Cas's choice to dine ends up being a large regret when they're nowhere near anywhere to stop and his stomach starts cramping.





	The Mishap

“Do you need to stop?” Dean asked, slowing the car down. “We’re coming up to a little town here. There won’t be anything else for a long time after this.”

“I’m not especially hungry, but perhaps we could stop and get something?” Cas replied.

“I think we have some restaurants on the right up here.” Dean switched his turn signal on and pulled to the next lane over. “There’s not much, but I’m sure you can find something.”

“I’m not picky,” Cas said. “I’m sure I won’t have a problem.”

Dean turned into a dirt parking lot with a few older looking buildings. They got out of the car and looked at the signs.

“What are you in the mood for?” Cas asked.

Dean pondered. “I’m kind of down for anything, honestly.”

“My newfound humanity gives me quite the taste for spicier foods,” Cas stated. “How does Mexican sound?”

“Fine. We can do that.” Dean began walking towards the end building.

They entered the establishment and looked around. Not much was to be said about décor or atmosphere. It was just rather plain everything. The two of them sat down at a table and a waitress came up and handed them two paper menus.

“Hi, can I get you drinks to start with?” she asked. “Water? Iced tea? Lemonade?”

“Water for me.” Dean smiled at her charmingly.

“I’ll have an iced tea please,” Cas said.

“Alright, I’ll get those for you right now.”

Cas turned to Dean and gave him a scrutinizing look. “I am not waiting for you to have sex with another waitress.”

“I didn’t say I planned to,” Dean stated, looking at the menu in his hands.

“You didn’t have to.” Cas read his own menu and sighed. “Even as a human, I will never understand your seeming compulsion for sexual intercourse.”

“I wouldn’t call it a compulsion.” Dean chuckled and set his menu down. “I think I’ll go with the nacho plate.”

“I’m feeling like I want to try their bean burrito,” Cas replied.

“I thought about that, but wanted something a little more salty and savory for lunch.”

The waitress returned and set a water and ice tea on the table. “Are you ready to order?”

“I know what I want, but unfortunately, it’s not on the menu.” Dean smiled at her and winked.

“He’ll have the nachos,” Cas stated. “And I’ll take a bean burrito with green sauce and extra spice.”

“I’ll get your order started right away,” the waitress said, smiling coyly at Dean and taking their menus off the table.

“Dean!” Cas groaned. “You’re not having sex with the waitress. We need to get to a motel before the middle of the night.

“I know,” Dean drawled. “I’m just having a little of fun, doing a little flirting, you know.”

“I don’t know, actually,” Cas stated. “I have no desire to make romantic advances on strangers.”

“Maybe you should,” he replied. “Maybe when we get back to Kansas, I can teach you how to pick up chicks. You need to get laid.”

“I disagree.” Cas drank from his glass and stared at the window. “I’d rather not busy myself with menial human tasks like flirtations and sex.”

“You _definitely_ need to get laid,” Dean retorted.

Cas sighed and watched as a hare hopped around a car in the parking lot.

The waitress brought their food out on a tray, the meals steaming.

“Looks delicious,” Dean said. “The food too.”

Cas exhaled dramatically and dug his fork into the burrito. “Thank you.”

“Let me know if you boys need anything.”

“Oh I will,” Dean replied, grinning at her.

Cas shook his head and blew on the piece of burrito on his fork. “This smells amazing, and very spicy.”

“I wonder what they put in it,” Dean said. “I mean, fuck, I’d get a can of Febreeze scented like this.”

Cas put his fork in his mouth and moaned. “Oh, this is good. This is great.”

Dean pulled a nacho up off the plate, cheese dripping off it. He dipped it in the salsa that came with it and took a bite. “Oh, yeah. This _is_ good. Shit.”

Cas quickly cut a larger piece of the burrito off and held it up to his mouth, blowing on it to cool it off. “These people should open a chain and be in larger cities. They’d do well.”

“Amen to that,” Dean said. “I might make a trip all the way out here just for this.”

After the meal, Dean handed Cas the keys and patted him on the back. “I’m going to be a couple minutes. Why don’t you go wait in the car?”

Cas glared at him. “Please use a condom.”

“Always do,” Dean said, winking at him.

Cas sat in the car with his hand on his stomach. The meal was large and he felt so full that if he didn’t know better, he’d think he was going to burst.

After a while, Dean opened the driver’s side door and sat down. He flashed a smile over at Cas.

“Have a nice time?” Cas asked.

“Oh yeah,” Dean laughed, adjusting himself in his pants and starting the vehicle. “Let’s drive.”

“Are you physically incapable of _not_ attempting to have sex with any pretty girl you meet?”

“No, but there’s also no good reason not to,” Dean answered, backing out of the parking spot and heading back to the road.

Cas sighed and took a drink of the water bottle in between them. “I think I overate.”

“Yeah, you had a large meal,” Dean said. “But it looked good.”

“It was amazing,” Cas replied. “If you do come back out here, bring me with you.”

Cas’s stomach made a gurgling sound and Dean looked over at him. “You're not still hungry are you?”

“Definitely not,” Cas said.“I wasn't that hungry to begin with, so now I'm stuffed.”

“At least we won't need to make any more food breaks,” Dean mused.

“You'll have to give your penis a rest,” Cas muttered, stretching out in the passenger seat.

Dean laughed and merged into the left most lane op the open highway. He sped up and they started on the next leg of their drive.

* * *

 

A couple hours later, the sun had begun to set and the road looked like it would never end.

“Dean?” Cas mumbled, resting his head against the window.

“Yeah?”

“Do you feel nauseous?”

Dean looked over at him. “If you throw up in my car, Cas, I _will_ kill you.”

“I won't. I just feel weird,” he replied.

“Well, it's just you. Nachos sat great over here.”

“Must be,” Cas muttered, watching each stripe in the road fly past the car.

Dean put another tape in the radio and turned the volume up as they kept driving.

* * *

 

A couple more hours passed and Cas's mild discomfort had turned into consistent sharp pains in his lower stomach. What he thought was just going to be some bloating and heartburn had much more likely become something he'd require a bathroom for.

“Is there anywhere to stop soon?” He asked.

Dean raised an eyebrow at him. “Why? Gotta puke? I can roll down the window.”

“I don't think so. I just don't feel well,” Cas answered. “My stomach is killing me.”

“I'll take this time to let you know I will also kill you for shitting in my car.”

“I know. I'm not going to,” Cas stated. “Hence why I was asking if there was a gas station or something coming up.”

Dean thought for a minute. “I think there's something on the other side of the road somewhere along here. Keep and eye out for signs.”

“Okay.” Cas leaned his back against the window and slumped down in the seat, his hand casually draped on top of his stomach.

Another wave of pain came and he grimaced, but showed no outward discomfort. Cas hadn't been human very long, but he'd managed to learn what the sensation of needing to use the bathroom _right now_ felt like. The way his stomach was cramping, he knew that was inevitable.

Dean sang loudly and off-key to a Pink Floyd song as they kept driving. To distract himself, Cas took out his phone and played a mindless game.

After a few levels, Cas had to stop and put his phone down. He couldn't focus and the position he was sitting in was uncomfortable. He sat straighter in the seat and leaned forward a bit.

Dean glanced over at him briefly. “You good?”

“Fine.”

“You're sweating,” Dean said.

“I know,“ Cas grumbled, wrapping his arms around his abdomen and putting his head against the dashboard.

“You know it's dark out,” Dean continued. “Want me to pull over and let you out?”

“No, I can wait. That's not necessary. It's just the pain that's bad.”

Dean dug through the side pocket of the door and handed Cas a small tin. “Need a mint?”

“Thank you,” Cas said, taking two out and popping them in his mouth.

“Don't mint-ion it,” Dean replied, snickering.

“Your word play is noticed,” Cas stated.

“It's called a pun, Cas,” Dean drawled. “And they're hilarious.”

Cas groaned quietly and grabbed his stomach again.

“There's a Burger King a few minutes up the road, looks like,” Dean said, pointing to the sign ahead of them.

“Good.” Cas took a slow inhale and exhale and tried to relax his cramping muscles.

Dean sped up to 80 and passed a few vehicles as Cas writhed beside him. Dean couldn't help but feel bad for him. He'd been through enough as both angel and human. He didn't need anything like this on top of it.

“You good?” Dean asked, anxiously flexing his fingers against the steering wheel.

Cas made an affirmative grunt and squeezed his legs together tensely.

“So uh, I take it you don't want to come back if I drive back to get seconds?”

Cas glared at him. “Not at the moment.”

Dean chuckled and sped up to pass a few more vehicles. “Good, because if we get an accident we're both going to die. And I don't want to be that guy who died so his best friend could shit in a Burger King bathroom in the middle of the desert.”

“Then don't get in an accident,” Cas replied.

“Right back at you,” Dean retorted.

“That's the point of the Burger King.” Cas groaned and tried to bend over as much as possible. He turned in his seat so he wouldn't hit the dashboard as he tried to compress.

Dean slowed down and began merging back over towards the right. Cas could feel the mess inside him pushing and burning, waiting for the first chance to escape. But he clenched all his muscles and refused to let that happen. Dean gently pulled into the parking lot and Cas sat up, anxiously pulled his seatbelt off, and flung open the door.

Dean met him at the other side as he carefully stood up as to not let anything slip. For a former angel of God, this was a pathetic situation to be in. They walked together into the building, Cas more waddling than walking. He didn't dare move any of his leg muscles lest the worst happen.

Dean walked up to the counter and Cas went straight to the bathrooms.

“Hi! Welcome to Burger King!” An overly chipper cashier said. “Are you ready to order?”

“Yeah,” Dean muttered, watching from the corner of his eye as Cas disappeared around the corner. “I'll get the number four with extra pickles. Make it a meal.”

Cas grabbed the handle to the bathroom door. Relief was seconds away. His legs felt shaky and weak and he could feel his muscles losing the strength to stay so tensed. Everything inside him was pushing to get out, but he turned the handle to the bathroom. _Click_. The door was locked. He pulled the door a few more times and whimpered.

“Just a second!" someone yelled from inside.

Cas frantically looked around, but there was only the one unisex bathroom. He trembled as he felt himself slowly lose control. He stood there fighting a losing battle to stay clean and dry. He could feel, but tried to pretend he couldn't, the seat of his pants filling up. He felt it sliding down the back of his thighs and he started hyperventilating. Every second he stood waiting felt like an hour. Cas whined and tried to stop it, but he couldn't. It was too little, too late. His pants felt hot and wet and he knew that there was no hiding what was happening.

“Fuck,” he whispered, turning quickly and looking at himself. Brown stains trailed down the backs of his legs down to his socks and there was an unpleasant colored puddle under his feet.

The sink started running from inside the bathroom and Cas stepped away from the door. The door opened and Cas shoved his way in past the man coming out. He locked the door and ran to the toilet, sitting down and letting everything fall out of him.

He stared down at his pants down by his knees and cringed at the mess. His pants were disgusting and so was the floor and his shoes and his legs. Everything was atrocious.

Dean stood waiting for his order and a man walked up to the counter. "Miss," he said. “I think the gentleman who just went into the bathroom–he, uh–he had a bit of a mishap.”

Dean's face shot up.

“There's a bit of a mess on the floor by the door,” he continued.

Dean casually walked over and looked. Cas definitely didn't get into the bathroom in time.

He went back to standing by the counter. His stomach was a pit of anxiety and sympathy.

Cas groaned and kept massaging his stomach, the pain still bothering him, though the worst of it had passed.

His phone went off. It was Dean's text tone. Begrudgingly, he decided to answer it. He was thankful he decided to put his phone in his shirt pocket.

He read Dean's message.

"You okay?"

Cas stared at the screen and then whined as his stomach cramped again. “Not really.”

“Do you want me to get you some clothes from your bag?”

“Yes please. I'll need socks, too.”

Dean went out to the car and popped the trunk, rifling through the duffel he knew was Cas's.

He set aside underwear, pants, and socks. As he was zipping the bag up, light caught on something on the side. He pulled out a small picture frame with a faded Polaroid in it. It was a picture Bobby once took of the two of them, arms slung over each other's shoulders and Dean smiling widely while Cas looked stoically at him.

Dean smiled at the picture and gently tucked it back inside the bag. He went back into the restaurant with his arms full of clothes, a towel, and a plastic bag. Two cleaning ladies had a yellow caution sign up by the "spill" and were both arguing over who had to clean it.

Dean set the clothes down on the floor by the wall and dropped the towel over the mess. “I'll get it.”

Both women stared at him as he mopped the towel back and forth wth his foot.

Cas heard them from outside talking.

“I am so sorry about this,” Dean said. “He's having a really rough few months.”

“He's not the only one having a shitty time,” one of the women said.

Cas did not appreciate the attempt at sarcasm given his predicament.

“Let me take care of this,” Dean said. “You can come by and mop afterwards.”

“Works for me if it works for you,” the second woman said.

Cas heard two sets of footsteps walk off and carefully got up. He used paper towels and sink water to clean himself and the floor and everywhere else he'd made a mess.

Eventually, he got himself freshened and he opened the door a crack.

“I fucking hate being a human,” he whispered.

Dean went over to him and handed him a plastic bag with the towel in it. “Put all your dirty clothes in there and we'll throw in the dumpster on the way out. Here's the clean ones.”

Cas set the bag down inside the door and took the clothes from him. “Thank you, Dean.”

“No problem.” Dean sat back down by the door and waited for him, awkwardly eating his french fries and getting dirty looks from the staff.

Cas came out finally with the plastic bag tied shut in his hands.

“You good?” Dean asked quietly.

“Not really,” Cas whispered, hustling away and out the door.

Dean sat in the car while Cas crept around back and threw the bag into the trash. Cas got back in the car and Dean looked at him.

“I'd offer you some fries, but...you know,” he said.

“Yeah,” Cas sighed.

Dean backed the car out of the parking spot and headed back to the freeway. “Maybe we should stay at a motel closer to here and just get up early to leave? That way you could shower and get some rest. That sound good to you?”

“No, Dean," Cas huffed. “You know what fucking sounds good to me? Being an angel again and not stuck in this pitiful human existence where I have to deal with things like bowel movements and indigestion.”

“Is that a yes to the motel?” Dean asked.

Cas sighed. “Yeah.”

“There should be some options when we get closer towards the city,” Dean stated.

Cas looked out the window and sighed again. “Being a human sucks.”

“Yeah. Sure does.”


End file.
